My 21-Year-Old Self

This is me when I was 21-years-old.  It seems so long ago that I was this girl.  I would like to tell my  21-year-old self to chill out and enjoy life.  I was much too serious for my own good.  But I was also very driven which is something I lost for several years.  I guess life gets in the way of our dreams sometimes.

When I was 21, I wanted to be an actress.  This was one of my headshots – I couldn’t smile because I had braces.  I remember that day – I was so excited to be working with this great photographer in downtown Houston.  It was such an amazing day because I was surrounded by creative people – being on set is always exciting.  There was the photographer, myself, and a makeup artist. I loved being around such amazing and talented people.  To this day, I still get giddy when I am surrounded by anything creative whether it is a movie set, a photography studio, or a dance studio.  It truly makes my heart sing.

The pictures were so expensive, but I was so proud that I paid for them myself.  I waited on tables like so many actresses do.  I lived at home, so I was able to spend all of my tip money on acting classes.    I ended up dropping out of college to follow my dreams.  I worked, went to acting classes, and auditions.  I really was having the time of my life.  I ended up getting out of acting but still wanted to work in entertainment.  So that is what I did for many years.  I even moved to Nashville, Tennessee to do just that.  I ended up going back to college to get my degree but still maintained my dream of working in entertainment.

I would like to say to my 21-year-old self that I am so proud of her for pursuing her dreams – I never really thought about how brave I was.  It just seemed so natural to follow my path – it was all I ever wanted growing up.   I didn’t have much growing up – my house was not a happy home.  But I always had my creativity and dreams to get me through whatever turmoil I was going through at home.

I lost my dreams a long time ago because of so many things that got in the way.  I feel like I am that 21-year-old girl again – the one that had so much determination and so much tenacity.  I am just a little older and wiser.  I can’t explain what it feels like to lose your creativity – it is like the sparkle and passion was taken out of my life.  Like my spirit had been stolen.  I am so happy and at peace with my life right now.  I am so thankful and grateful for that.